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e sober buddy

Your virtual recovery buddy

  • Home
  • Acceptance
    • What my wife does right ...
    • Why I love my mom ...
    • A letter to my Dad on his 80th Birthday...
    • A Letter to my Mom on her 80th Birthday
  • Addiction
  • Anxiety & Stress Relief
  • Affirmations
    • Anxiety Affirmations
    • Daily Affirmations
    • Happiness Affirmations
    • Motivational Affirmations
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    • Self Affirmations
    • Self Esteem Affirmations
    • Spiritual Affirmations
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  • Anger
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  • Blog
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  • Humility
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    • The Traveler's Gift
  • Isolation & Solitude
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 Blog Entries

  • Blogging for Sobriety
more  

 Prayer

Surrender to what is -- Let go of what was  -- Have faith in what will be!

 Depend on God

Work as if everything depends upon you and pray as if everything depends upon God. -- St. Ignatius

 Habits

If you form good habits, good habits start to form you.

 Answer too...

It's not what they call you -- it's what you answer too!

 Hate Somebody

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.  

-- Herman Hesse

 One Day at a Time -

"One day at a time, sweet Jesus!"  Whoever wrote that hadn't a clue.  A day is a fuckin' eternity!

― Roddy Doyle, Paula Spencer

 Manipulation

My road to hell is paved with good manipulation!

 Relationships

Relationships are like putting miracle grow on my character defects.  

 God's Gift to You and Your Gift to God

What you are is God’s gift to you, what you make of yourself is your gift to God.

 Consequences

You choose your behavior, but the world chooses your consequences!

 Today is all that matters

If you have one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow -- then you're pissing all over today!

 Problems

All of my problems become smaller when I confront them.

 Wisdom

Wisdom is in the heart, not simply in the head. It is listening, discerning and seeking what is right. Wisdom is a gift from God for the good of all his people.

 Keeping the Faith

You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town. 

― Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

 Work to Do

You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do. 

― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

 No matter what ...

Darling you'll be okay.

― vic fuentes

 Trust -

The strange part about a person’s lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves.

― David W. Earle

 Love Yourself-

Love yourself unconditionally. Do what you love to do. Be grateful for what you do have. Happiness is an attitude of gratitude. Love all of life. 

― Jan Porter, Sacred Space, body mind soul after sexual abuse

 Offer it Up!

When night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in God's hands, and offer it up to Him.  In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life.  

-- St. Edith Stein

 Never Despair ...

Keep faith, the bad things that we experience in life are always in service of a greater good.   But the greater good happens in God's way, on God's timetable. This means we should never despair; never give up even when catastrophe strikes. The entire process is being watched and supervised by God.

 Prayer for Humor and Humility

Let me have too deep a sense of humor ever to be proud. Let me know my absurdity before I act absurdly. Let me realize that when I am humble I am most human, most truthful, and most worthy of your serious consideration.

—Daniel A. Lord, S.J.

 Two Endeavors --

Recovery consists simply of two things, two endeavors, -- the endeavor to know God's will and the endeavor to do it when we know it.

 Three Things to Do Everyday

To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think -- spend some time time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that's a heck of a day. -- Jim Valvano

Self Pity

Now then, the difference between self-pity and sorrow is that the former is about what you're thinking and the latter is about how you're feeling

Sorrow, sadness, melancholy... this is from my heart.  This is an emotional response, depending on circumstances or events a normal and healthy one.  Sobriety is not about putting all my emotions on a pie chart and labeling some as "good" and some as "bad" (or "supposed to feel" and "not supposed to feel" or whatever lingo you're working).  You feel how you feel.

What I think about ... now that's where alcoholism likes to play.  Self-pity, for me, is the act of thinking about my sadness.  And actually, it's the act of thinking about how I wish things were different, or things are unfair for me, or I've had a hard go of it, or I screwed it up and now for me it's going to be ... and then I'm ... but not for me ... I ... me ... I ... me ... I ...

Self-pity, when it comes to alcoholics, is our self obsession wearing a sad clown face.

To put it in the simplest terms (which I need if this stuff is going to stick):

Sadness + Self Obsession = Self-pity.

And as I'm sure you know, thinking about ourselves is not something we should really lean into if we want to stay sober.  Of course we think about ourselves via things like self examination or simple self care, but those things are nothing like the kind of mental self-involvement alcoholics can slide into.  Sometimes I think the whole Program is just an enormous exercise in ballast to serve as a counter-weight to our titanic self-obsession.

And I think self-pity can be an especially dangerous place to be, for too long.

As you know from your experiences with not making amends and staying in anger, resentment is, as the Big Book puts it, the "number one offender" when it comes to the reasons we drink again.  If, as I've heard it said, expectations are the mother to our resentments ... then I think self-pity is the midwife.

Poor me poor me pour me a drink.

 

Self_Pity.JPG

How do you get out of and stay out of self pity?  The answer for any alcoholic, and especially for you right now, is perhaps most eloquently expressed in "Bill's Story," Chapter 1 of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (AA's Big Book).  At this point in his story he has gotten sober, and done most of what eventually became the 12 Steps in a kind of raw, informal way (and that's all covered on pgs. 12 and 13).  Here Bill's talking about what it was like shortly after he got sober.  Bill wrote:

"My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems.  It was fortunate, for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half, during which I found little work.  I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self pity and resentment.  This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day.  Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair.  On talking to a man there I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet.  It is a design for living that works in rough going." -- BB pg. 15

You do not have less to offer because you've relapsed ... you have more.  You can help someone else save their life -- you, your experience, can be literally life saving.  And you don't even have to believe that fully for it to work.  You don't have to find people with "less" time or in "worse" shape -- you don't have to be anything other than or more than who you are right now: An alcoholic who is struggling to get and stay sober and remain on an even emotional keel.

The more you work with other alcoholics the more sure your sobriety will be.  Anyone who tells you that you do not have enough time or enough experience or enough anything to be of service to another alcoholic is wrong.  If you tell yourself you aren't up to it or have nothing to offer you are wrong.

It is not for you to judge what you have to offer -- or anyone else, for that matter.  It is your job to offer it, in the service of trying to help someone else avoid the relapse experiences that you've had, or to help someone who's already relapsed feel better about their own fledgling sobriety.

You want to get out of self-pity?  You want to stay sober?

Get busy, damn it.


This article was copied from Mr. Sponsorpants.  Please visit this site as it is an excellent resource for those in recovery:  http://mrsponsorpants.typepad.com

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